tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6588713053434548442.post6329617132741213413..comments2023-12-13T03:01:01.113-08:00Comments on Chances Our: Safe Space and Communities Turned ToxicUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6588713053434548442.post-3088600556248126782015-01-06T14:10:09.710-08:002015-01-06T14:10:09.710-08:00I've bopped over here from various discussions...I've bopped over here from various discussions of the Twitter dust-up. I'm not on Twitter/IF communities myself (I hang out in what was formerly the IF blogosphere, but now seems to be the former-IF blogosphere). I wanted to say, though you don't know me, that yours seems the most rational response to this mess so far. I don't know the details (and haven't gone on Twitter to see them, since I don't know how that would do anyone any good), but you zeroed in on the issue, which is the same one I have been seeing in the blogosphere for years now: if the EXACT SAME THING had been done by someone we hadn't hung out with online, our experiences of it would gain us a great tide of (deserved) sympathy. When that person is part of the same online community, the feelings we all recognize are absolutely standard and normal are suddenly supposed to be pretended away. <br /><br />In fact, I think this is where the real rage is coming from. A thoughtless pregnancy announcement is going to make people angry (any pregnancy announcement will hurt, but one that starts with "I'm so sorry this will hurt some of you" is not going to prompt reactions of rage - I've never seen any!). But I really see red when I see a tide of congratulations, without exception, often over-the-top in their wild enthusiasm, from people who could actually NAME the others who will be reading the announcement, and then reading the flood of congratulations, and will be miserably hurt by it all. And when I read 100 STUPID congratulatory messages (that is, their method of offering the congratulations is particularly dumb - "I knew God would bless you with a baby because you deserve it so much" - WHAT DOES THIS IMPLY about others, people?), I find it very, very hard to resist the temptation to make my disagreement 100 times as loud - just to even out the dialogue a bit. There is an entire planet devoted to unfiltered discussion of whatever topics enter a person's head, starting (very often) with piles of parenting topics. Supportive communities are the opposite of unfiltered discussion. Every way you say every thing needs to be compassion-first. Where does anybody get off criticizing a person for stating this obvious fact? Also, all the comments about how those pregnant post-IF need so much support bewilder me. Obviously this varies from individual to individual, but there are approximately seven billion humans likely delighted to offer that support. Seeking it from those few who are least equipped to give it has always struck me as vampiric at best. the misfithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05206278843624907697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6588713053434548442.post-71044165542104616802014-12-30T15:32:21.150-08:002014-12-30T15:32:21.150-08:00Great post. xoGreat post. xoGeochickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04060602689692876499noreply@blogger.com