IVF is very stressful. It is stressful on the body, mind and soul. Sometimes, it just gets to you. Sometimes you become truly overwhelmed, sad and almost paralyzed by the stress of it all. IVF takes a toll on every aspect of your life. I became truly overwhelmed by it all this past weekend. It has already taken me weeks to prep for my upcoming IVF procedure and I still have weeks to go before the procedure itself. I have had to line up my insurance company, doctors, embryologists and genetic labs. This all takes a lot of time and can be very frustrating.
This past Saturday, I lost it with complete strangers on the telephone. I had been fighting with my mail order pharmacy for WEEKS to get this one drug that I needed to start physically prepping for my IVF. If I didn't get this drug on the day that I needed it, I couldn't do my IVF this month and all of the work I have done to get everyone on the same page these past weeks would be for nothing. I called every day, two or three times a day, and talked to people who would assure me that it was coming the next day. The next day would come with no delivery and I would call them only to find out there were more glitches on their part.
Last Friday, after weeks of trying to get this medicine, I was told that I needed to stay in my house the entire next day so I could sign for my meds when they arrived. I wisely contacted the on call pharmacist the next morning because I was not going to wait all day just to have the meds not show up--again. I finally got someone on the phone and they told me it had not been shipped out as promised and it would not be coming. Over these past weeks I had try reasoning with this pharmacy, shouting, demanding to speak with managers, all that I had left was tears and hysterical sobs. Didn’t these people know how hard this process is without their added aggravation? Didn’t they appreciate what was at stake? Finally they were apologetic about the whole situation and they eventually transferred my prescription to another pharmacy, who was able to deliver my meds by the next business day.
On Saturday, after I got off the phone with this pharmacy, I did what many people do when they are dealing with intense frustration, I turned to facebook to vent. “All insurance companies and mail order pharmacies, in particular Curascript, can suck it!” was my status for the rest of the weekend. Was it the most mature thing to write? No. Did it feel good to write it? Yes. I received tons of comments supporting me in my frustrations. The best of which was from a student I used to work when she was in high school, who we will call Jody.
Jody was one of the kids I will never forget. She still is and always was the most gentle soul. She was shy, kind, thoughtful and had huge aspirations to change the world, even in the 8th grade. Jody also dealt with severe depression. She couldn’t see how beautiful, wonderful and valuable she was, no matter how many times I told her and I told her at least four times a day as her counselor. There were some days I know Jody did not want to exist anymore. There were some days I anxiously came into school praying that I would see her. But Jody made it into school every day. Jody saw many therapists, took her meds like she was supposed to and kept checking in with me. Jody continued to exist, and not only did Jody exist, but she thrived. Through participating in every community service project she could and being a loving presence to all who met her, Jody certainly changed the world. She continues to do so as a college student and is participating this weekend in Samaritans 5k event to raise money for suicide awareness. http://www.samaritansofboston.org/index.php/5k.html.
I am so proud of Jody. I don’t usually make a habit of being facebook friends with my former students, but Jody is one of the exceptions. In reading my frustrated facebook status this weekend, Jody responded, “Keep Swimming!” I had to laugh immediately recognizing this quote from the movie “Finding Nemo.” The idea of continuing on in the face of adversity is a theme throughout this Disney classic, as Nemo's father tries to find his son with the help of his lovable friend Dory.
So I am going to “Keep Swimming.” Through the stress, the emotional and hormonal ups and downs, the injections, the doctors appointments, the set backs, the medications, the exhaustion. Jody kept swimming after all and this week she inspires me to do the same.