Dairy-Free Gluten-Free Irish Soda Bread

 

                                                                  Link to Video

Every year I look forward to St. Patrick’s Day because of one thing: Irish Soda Bread. My grandma made it her whole life and passed down her recipe and her caste iron skillet to me before she died. With my new gluten-free dairy-free diet, I was worried I would never be able to enjoy this familial treat again.  I have found a way to make a great Irish Soda Bread without using dairy products. It has a taste so good you will even fool your most picky relative! To be truly honest, I also tried the recipe substituting gluten-free flour for the regular flour. The taste was good, but the consistency could not be confused with that of a traditional Irish Soda Bread.

What you will need:

• One Caste Iron Skillet (You can cook it in a regular round cake pan, but the skillet is preferred)

• 4 cups of all-purpose flour (This also can be substituted for gluten-free all-purpose flour)

• 2 tsp. of flour

• 1 tsp. of baking soda
• 1/4 cup of sugar

• 1 tsp. of baking powder

• ½ tsp. of salt

• ½ cup of vegan butter spread (I prefer Earth Balance)

• 1 egg

• 1 and 1/3 cup of almond milk

• 1 tablespoon of almond milk set aside

• 1 cup and ½ of raisins

Directions:

1. First preheat oven to 375 degrees along with caste iron skillet.
2. Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt in a mixing bowl.
3. Add vegan butter spread and mix well. Then add egg and mix well. Slowly pour in 1 cup and 1/3 of almond milk until dough is formed. Add raisins and mix.
4. Sprinkle 2 tsp. of flour on a clean surface. Take dough out of mixing bowl and form into an oval ball. Spread a light layer of almond milk on top of dough ball. Using a sharp knife, score the top of dough ball. Place on caste iron skillet and put in the oven for one hour.  Best topped with vegan butter spread or your favorite jam. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

 

Gluten Free Dairy Free Brownies

                                                    Video of How to Make Brownies
                                                    
                                                  Gluten  Free Dairy Free Brownies
Here's a great way to indulge in a delicious brownies without breaking your gluten free dairy free endodiet!
Ingredients:
2oz of Dark Chocolate
1/2 cup of Vegan Butter Spread (I use Earth Balance)
2 Eggs
1 cup of Sugar
1 tsp. of Vanilla
3/4 cup of Almond Flour

First pre-heat oven to 350 Degrees. Take a 8x8x2 pan and spray it with a non-stick cooking spray. Put a pot of water on the stove and place a small metal bowl on top of boiling water. Add the dark chocolate and vegan butter spread to metal bowl. Stir until melted and combined. In a separate, slightly larger bowl, combine eggs, sugar and vanilla. Add the chocolate-vegan butter mixture to the egg mixture. Mix well. Lastly, add the almond flour to the mixture and stir until just combined. Add the batter to the greased baking pan. Bake for around 40 minutes. These brownies are very moist. It is best to let them cool before serving. Enjoy!

Heart Shaped Dairy Free Chocolate Flourless Cake

Here it is! The first official endometriosis friendly gluten free and dairy free recipe. After my surgery in 2011, my doctor told me that a gluten and dairy free diet would help keep my endometriosis at bay. Being an Italian New Yorker, the idea of cutting off both dairy and wheat made me so sad. But I have found recipes along the journey that have made my heart happy. Speaking of hearts, Valentine's Day is here! Being dairy free, it is really hard to participate in the candy festivities that come with this day. But have no fear, this recipe will quench your chocolate craving, while not antagonizing your endometriosis!  

How to Explain Infertility to a Five Year Old

The other night while I was lying in bed with my five year old daughter, reading her a bed time story, she started prodding my belly with her hand. The combination of a filling dinner, my lack of exercise over the past few months and pants that were just a little too tight had caused me to have some extra baggage around my mid-section that hadn’t been there in a while. Her curiosity got the best of her. Noticing my bigger-than-normal belly, she then asked me the question “Mommy, are you EVER going to have a baby in your belly?”


Let me just say that 85% of the women I know right now are pregnant or had a newborn in the last six months. There must be something about the 33-34 age range that inherently lends itself to pregnancy. So my daughter and I have been wrapping gifts and writing cards and sending them out to all of the new moms and their little ones, not to mention a congratulation gift to any big sibling already in the house. Combine this fact with the reality that all of my daughters’ friends and most of her cousins now all have siblings, she has been asking a lot if she is EVER going to be a big sister. Because in my daughter’s opinion, she would be the most awesome big sister to grace Planet Earth and I don’t happen to disagree.
 If I could put a Facebook status on our family expansion I would say “It’s complicated.” Since my daughter has been born, my husband and I have exhausted all attempts to have more biological children, which resulted in many miscarriages and failed medical procedures. We also survived one failed attempt to adopt embryos. We have been doing a lot of research on domestic and international adoption, but after battling infertility and pregnancy loss our spiritual, financial and emotional resources are running on empty and at this point we could not endure another long, potentially heart breaking journey to expand our family.
But how do you explain this to a five year old? How do you explain this to a five year old who has a 50% chance of inheriting not only my genetic defect which led to all my miscarriages, but also endometriosis, a disease which not only causes infertility but also terrible chronic pain? My daughter is very smart and wise beyond her years. She was not buying with the vague answer I usually give her when she inquires about having siblings. The other night she looked me in the eye and wanted to know what was up.
I had to tell her the truth. I took a deep breath and told my five year old, “I will never have another baby growing in my belly.” She asked, “Never?” I told her, “Never. I am so grateful and lucky that you were able to grow in my belly.” My daughter looked sad and confused and said, “How come Stella’s mom was able to have four babies grow in her belly and you could just have one? It isn’t fair.” Ugh. Is there really a good answer to this? Doesn’t every adult infertile woman struggle with this question at some point in her journey?
I tried to explain to my daughter that everyone has a journey in this life and some parts of that journey are really hard to understand because they don’t make sense and make us sad. Sometimes life isn’t fair and there is no good reason. But I brought it back to how grateful I am that she is my little one and how much I love her and her dad. It would have been awesome if this conversation ended at this point. But as I mentioned, my daughter is wise beyond her years. “So if you can’t have another baby in your tummy, why can’t we just adopt a baby like our cousin was adopted and like Bloom on "The Winx" cartoon was?” Double ugh.
I couldn’t answer this question because there is simply no good answer. I can’t explain to her how sad the miscarriages have left us. I can’t explain to her how frightened the failed embryo adoption has left us. I can't explain to her the pain we would feel if we were set to adopt a baby but the birth mother changed her mind and took her back, like some laws allow her to do. How could we all cope with that? How would my daughter deal with that when all she wants is a sibling? International adoption has many challenges and uncertainties as well. We are still healing and the thought of having any failed adoptions before we are able to have our “forever family” seems like too much to endure. I wanted to run and cry into my pillow. But my beautiful miracle was waiting for an answer.
I told her that adoption is a wonderful gift and works out for so many families. I also said it is a long journey and is not easy. After a relentless string of more questions, I finally told her it can take a long time to adopt a baby and can be very expensive. I also told her that sometimes it can be a little scary because the person you are adopting the baby from or the country where you are adopting the baby can change their mind. Then my daughter asked, “Wait, if you pay the money and the person or country changes their mind, do you get your money back?” Seriously-- she is five!! I told her that sometimes you do not get your money back. She said, “Well that isn’t fair! I am so sad Mommy. I really wanted to be a big sister. I would be a great big sister.” I gave her a big hug and told her it is okay to be sad, I am sad too. I then asked my daughter if she had any more questions and she said no and wanted to go back to reading her book.

I don’t know if what I said was the right thing. In many ways the questions she asked have no right or wrong answers and in reality some of the questions she asked have no answers at all. I know this is one of many conversations she and I are going to be having about my infertility issues throughout her life and possibly her own. I just hope and pray she can always feel she can come and talk to me and that I can give her honest, age appropriate answers that satisfy her needs at the time without terrifying her. In so many ways she is so mature beyond her years and yet when she announced to a room full of my in-laws the other day, “My mom is NEVER going to have another baby in her belly and we are not going to adopt!” I am reminded that she is just five years young and still my little girl.

Retreat: place affording peace, quiet, privacy, or security

I refuse to say that "everything happens for a reason" or "God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle." I don't think that is a fair statement and can neatly explain every terrible tragedy that exists on this earth. Those statements do not help my faith. They do not bring me comfort when I am feeling sad or overwhelmed. Sometimes things just don't make sense. Life is unfair and can really suck sometimes.
What does give me comfort is a sense that I am not alone and that I am loved. Also seeing how others cope and keep going inspire me to do the same. It is so amazing how in the midst of terrible tragedy, the human spirit allows people to rise above their pain and do extraordinary things. In shared sadness and grief a sense of community, strength and support emerge that is powerful. I saw that in New York City after the September 11th tragedy. I see this strength every day in the online infertility community.

I have had this feeling for the past few years that I can use everything I have been through to help bring others relief on their infertility journeys. I also have an extensive background in leading and organizing retreats. So why not combine the two and lead retreats for women struggling with infertility?
Uncertain if this was a good idea, I called the retreat house to see if they even had spots. It was then I got a sign. The woman in charge of the facility told me about her 8 year battle with infertility almost 30 years ago when IVF was new in the United States. She had 8 rounds of IVF and nothing worked. She then went on to adopt her two children. That was another incredible story. I got chills as I listened to her journey. I knew it was an omen that I was doing the right thing.

So please spread the word and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

The theme of the retreat this year is: Come as You Are

The goal of the retreat is: to relax, replenish, recuperate your mind, body and spirit

The Cost: Around $300 for a two night three day stay- including all meals and a wine and cheese night

We will have a masseuse and an acupuncturist available for an extra cost if people want to participate.

The Dates: April 5th-7th, May 31st-June2nd, June 7th-9th, September 6th-8th, October 18-20th

The place:  http://www.mariandale.org/grounds_facilities.asp
I am still working on the details and the dates may change based on availability and interest.

If you are interested in signing up, please email me at angelcase@aol.com. Please include your top three choices for dates and which focus would be best for you: infertility and loss, secondary infertility and loss, finally pregnant and terrified,  or adoption after infertility.

"A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together!" -Author Unknown

Adoption After Infertility

My husband and I have spent the last six months discussing adoption. We have talked at great length about embryo adoption and domestic and international adoption. Next month is National Adoption Awareness month, and I hope to blog in great detail about all three options.


I feel like so many people shake their heads at infertile couples struggling with infertility treatments and say, “Why won’t they just adopt?” Honestly, I believe in high school I said, “If I can’t have children, I would just adopt. I would never do fertility treatments.” But after a couple of years of difficulty conceiving naturally, we followed our Reproductive Endocrinologist’s’ advice and decided to try IUI and IVF. Another great question is, “Why are you putting your body through all of those hormones and procedures when there are children who are already born and in need of homes?” Adopting after infertility seems like the obvious and simple choice. Why then does this choice sometimes seem so difficult?

I wish that my husband and I were looking to tackle the issue of adoption eight years ago when we first started trying to conceive. Back then, we were different people. We believed that love conquered all. I was faith-filled, fearless, courageous and strong. I was certain that if you stayed the course, if you tried and hoped and believed in your dreams and goals, they could and would come true.

Then infertility came into our lives. Luckily, relatively early in the journey, we got pregnant with my daughter with the help of IUI, after a surgery to ablate my endometriosis. We were blessed with this amazing little girl, whom medical professionals have now deemed a miracle given my conditions of endometriosis and genetic translocation.

However, we desperately wanted another baby. On the very day we went to see our fertility doctor about having another child, I was having a miscarriage and didn’t even know it until my blood results came back. I then had another IUI, which led to another miscarriage. So my doctor recommended IVF, which led to my third miscarriage in 5 months. I was finally diagnosed with a balanced translocation, a condition in which many of my pregnancies will result in miscarriages. But the doctors told me there was a solution, IVF with embryo biopsies. My husband and I tried that twice only to have all 28of our embryos confirmed positive for the translocation, which made them unviable. Add three separate abdominal surgeries to address other medical conditions, and another unexpected miscarriage, and that sums up the last four and a half years for us.

It seems ironic to me that the reason why people think it is so obvious that we should adopt a child--our struggle with infertility-- is the very reason why my husband and I find it completely overwhelming to start the adoption process. Being in the grips of infertility is like being in a terrible maze. There are so many more dead ends and false hopes than there are ways out of the maze, and when you are in the maze, you cannot see the bigger picture. Obviously, we would have pursued adoption earlier had we known that the IVF and embryo biopsies that we had done after our “miracle” daughter was born would only lead to grief and loss. We would talk about adoption at the time, but being overwhelmed already, we kept concluding, let’s just get through these fertility treatments first.

Now, six years after we had our first appointment with a fertility specialist, we are finally finished with fertility treatments, but they have taken their toll on us. My husband and I are not the same people we were when we started this journey. I am certainly not that fearless 25-year-old anymore. I feel like when you have experienced as much loss as we have, it is really hard to start a process that requires a lot of faith and the possibility of more disappointment.

I fear that my husband and I do not have the emotional or spiritual resources to tackle our fears concerning adoption. But I am going to continue learning more about it and will be blogging about what I discover about the process and about myself. Mariska Hargitay, an actress who stars on Law and Order SVU, has a great quote on adoption, "Adoption was a bumpy ride-very bumpy. I'm not gonna lie. There were wrenching moments. I say to everybody, 'Adoption is not for the faint of heart.' But God, it was worth the fight." Only time will tell if I will one day have that fight in me.

October 15: A Day of Remembrance

October 15th is a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant loss. So many of us women experience pregnancy and infancy loss, and yet it is something that is never spoke of in our society due to its private and painful nature. When I came out and started talking about my miscarriages, I was overwhelmed by how many others I knew had experienced similar situations. Today I think about all of us who have endured these losses. Please know that you are not alone and you are loved and thought of, especially today.

I Love You Still
I honor you, my lost little one, on this special day.
I often think what life would be like, if things had gone our way.
I miss you at the milestones, and in moments ordinary.
I miss you when I am happy, and especially when I am weary.
Would you have had your mommy’s laugh?
Would you have been tall like your dad?
The fact that we will never know, still makes me so sad.
I loved so very much, though brief was our time.
In my heart and in my soul, you will always be mine.
I’m not sure where you are right now-- or when we will meet again.
But the love we had was so very real, and that will never end.
So know my thoughts are with you, on this and every day.
May peace and happiness find us, That is what I pray.

For more resources on pregnancy and infant loss please go to: http://www.october15th.com/